Everyone is talking about Shades of Grey. Having neither read the book nor seen the movie and with no plans to do so, I can’t comment on whether this creation is liberating for women or an exemplar of abuse. I can, however, say this: sexuality without the constraints of judgment harms men and women. No one wishes a return to a repressive sexuality. Yet, a modicum of restraint would add tremendous value to the healthy exploration of everyone’s sexuality. I’m comfortable with sexual relationships between sober consenting adults. Disinhibited sexuality fueled by drugs and alcohol and quick hook-ups may have a merit under certain very specific conditions. Mostly such encounters inflict pain and shame. Hook-ups offer short-term solutions to a longing for love. Drunken and drug-enabled sex often leads to or downright empowers abuse and rape. What people really need right now is less titillation with fantasy and more support for how to make real relationships and genuine intimacy fanciful. Start with long walks through the park. Or playful conversation about a shared topic of interest. Build a snow man. See theater. Listen to music. Talk about the complicated landscape of life. The sexuality that arises from really knowing someone might very well enlighten you with fifty shades of living color.